Tuesday, May 1, 2018

Wild, Crue,l Breathtaking Flower

You changed me. 
You made me believe I could be loved forever. My love for you was like a wild flower., in that I tried countless times to root it out, but still its roots dug deep into my heart where it bloomed and blossomed onto my face as a smile. 

My dreams tinged with your warm presence. I close my eyes and hold that valentine’s gift close to my heart and imagine your body right next to mine where it should be. Your arms like a shelter from all harm. You made me feel loved and alive. Your words were like a sweet escape into a wonderful fairytale where we both could live forever. You made me believe in forevers. You made me believe in relationships, in romance, even in marriage which I had sworn off. 
You gave me your last name — what a cruel joke.

To me you were this beautiful certainty and to you, I guess, I was a source of joy that was at your dispense.

I do not know what happened to our fairytale, I fought for you as the knight in shinning armor over a hundred times even after you ran a blade straight through my broken heart. Those roots of this wild love suddenly grew dark and started to rot.
By then the flower was so dazzling that I ignored its flaws and bit my lip to ignore the pain.
I told you over and over and over again. Do not take me for granted.
You did.
Pencil Drawing by Sne
You knew I would take you back every time like the sun does the stars and the stars the moon and the moon the tide.
I never wanted to kill this flower that grew so tall and proud, that it almost became arrogant. 
I hoped that someday it would see who truly cared for it and loved it so that it may bow down and say thank you.
Words that were never uttered. And sorry, a concept that it may never grasp.
For even the strongest are only as strong as their weakest hour. 
Love is vulnerability, not always strength, and I found something pure in your soul. But it appears that I will not be the one to see the real you.
Pulling out these roots leave holes in my heart… unlike before where it had only been fractured, it now has deep, dark wells… rootless. 

I built up walls around our love keeping it together fighting for us when you were to weak to.
Pen Drawing by Sne
Your words are as hollow as the pain you left my heart to suffer alone. Your friendship was what I treasured the most. You listened and was there all until you told me my emotions were too much.
I hope you will remember that.
I want you to find happiness and love in life, although in secret I had hoped that joy would be me.

No effort has been put in from your behalf to keep the flower from collapsing.
I gave you unconditional love and I suppose you were not ready.
Maybe you never were, but you changed my heart and made me ready instead.

Those bittersweet memories will make for excellent fairytales. Deep in my heart I will always have a part of me that will love you, and though I am breaking my own heart by doing so I know that my love and my friendship is priceless. It is rare and people often do not realize until it is gone. 

May you find happiness, peace and may you love someone as I loved you.

30.4.18